I just had the most amazing idea for revitalizing the Four Corners area of Farmer’s Branch. This is a sure winner for the next proactive innovation award that the City Council wants to apply for.  

As you know, the big ugly beast in the Four Corners area is the old Skaggs-Albertson’s grocery store: a big behemoth of a building that has been empty for some time. You also know, from perusing the Code Violation reports, that there are citizens who have too many decorative items in their yards, non-permitted window coverings, and furniture that is not meant for outside. There are probably more things, but let’s just start with those.  

Okay – are you ready for my Innovative Idea? Here goes:  

How about if we took the Skaggs store and made it into a Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store? The Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store would be stocked with items that are approved for Farmer’s Branch Residents. We could even have varying price ranges for our diverse population so that every single resident will have to “Shop the Branch”.

 Here – picture this:  

A new Farmer’s Branch resident visits the Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store for the first time. He stops by the Community Service desk and registers his new address, whereupon he will be assigned his very own Community Service Advisor. The Community Service Advisor will pull up all the specifics on his home, display the paint colors that are allowed on the exterior of his home, calculate the amount of paint needed and assign a date by which his home must be painted.  

  

Then, taking that color scheme, the lucky New Resident will be directed to the Outdoor section where his Community Service Advisor will help him select his new approved outdoor furniture and decorative items.  

The store will keep a record of the New Resident’s purchases, and thus will know if he goes over his allotted 5 decorative items. In fact, if New Resident tries to buy a sixth item the store will refuse to sell it to him. (If he breaks something he had purchased earlier he has to bring the broken pieces in to prove that he is buying a replacement decorative item and will not exceed his 5 items.)  

Oh – there’s more! I noticed that there are quite a few notices issued for nonconforming window coverings, so the Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store can sell those too; in approved colors. Hey – they could even put the logo on the backside of vinyl blinds, so that when a resident has his blinds closed all you see from the outside is that neat awesome new logo.  

I was also thinking that we shouldn’t just stop with the window coverings. Everyone knows that if the window coverings aren’t drawn, especially at night, you can see inside and tell what color the walls are. So The City should pass an ordinance that regulates the color of walls in rooms with windows. Of course, the Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store will sell the paint and tell the resident when he has to paint his room.

The Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store will also have a landscaping department. Approved trees and bushes will include anything that does not lose its leaves during the fall. The citizens are allowed some leeway in the selection of flowering material, but roses are highly recommended – white or red only, please. We can’t have diverse colors spoiling our view.  

After the City has fixed up all the homes in Farmer’s Branch they can tax the residents and fund an expansion so that the Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store can sell automobiles. Although the resident is allowed some choice, it will have to be from a list of approved makes, models, colors, etc. And no unapproved accessories – unless, of course, they are purchased at the Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store.  

Wow – is this great or what? Next on the list – clothing. I’m sure the City Council will come up with some spiffy uniforms we can all wear so that we can demonstrate our loyalty and love for The City in the Park. Don’t worry – they’ll have your size at the Farmer’s Branch Citizen’s Store.  If not they can always pass an ordinance to make you lose weight so that you will fit in the uniforms they do have. You’ll be able to lose that weight by eating only Farmer’s Branch Citizen Store produce.

Our Mayor really likes Michael Jackson and I heard that he expressed an interest in finding a new name for The City. Something that reflects what we are. Well, we can do that, and honor Michael, by naming our city:

new suggested name for Farmers Branch

  

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